The Lying Devil Wears Calvin Klein
by 24QueenMo
Summary: -"In the words of Jerry Maguire: 'Help me, help you. Help me, help you. Help me, help you.'"


**This is the most godawful thing I've every written, but whatever. :P I bet everyone heard that SWAC is now called _So Random!_? My goodness. How is that my two favorite shows are done? Wah! Read and review and I'll be happy . . . maybe.  
But here's some good news: I got a guitar for my birthday (that was two weeks ago) and can play some Nirvana songs. :) YAY! **

**Disclaimer: Does it look like I own anything?**

**10:31 AM**

Chad looked at Sonny's table often. He missed her. He missed her a lot. The whole "I'm missing" something was not working out. (Sonny searched her house, took everything of his, and brought it to the studio in a big box.)

He thought of different ways to talk to her. Most of them were stupid. "Oh, you look nice today" or "Beautiful day out today," and "Hey, what's up?"

Sonny would replied, "Yeah, whatever," and walk away.

He needed a way to talk to her and keep a conversation. What could he say? And then it clicked. Sonny hated thunderstorms. She _hated_ them. And what does a girl do when she's scared? They go running to a strong handsome fearless man. ( Yeah, right. Like that described Chad to a tee.)

He got up, stumbled over, and sat down in front of her.

Sonny groaned. "Chad, what do you want?" she whined.

"I want to warn you about today," said Chad simply.

"What, you're going to plan an attack on _So Random!_?"

"No, but the weather is. There's supposed to be a huge thunder storm coming—thought I might warn you." He winked.

Sonny froze. "Tonight?"

"Well, today through the night."

She hated thunder storms. They always scared her. The ones she hated the most were the ones that went *crack* and then lighting flashed across the sky.

"And I was wondering if you needed something to distract you," he continued.

"Like, what? Helping stumble through the studio, because you're a spaz?"

"Don't mock me! It's not my fault that I stumbled and broke my leg."

"Yeah . . ."

"Stop it!" Chad screeched. The whole commissary looked at him. "What? Haven't any of you broken your leg?"

"They probably have, but they didn't do it because they don't chase dogs who stole their script," Sonny explained mockingly.

"It was _your_ dog."

"So what? It could've been Tawni's dog or Zora's mouse . . . and the other weird animals she keeps. You still tripped because you have no coordination whatsoever."

"I hate you."

"I hate you, too!" Sonny yelled, strutting away from the table.

"Sonny, wait!" said Chad, trying to catch up with her.

"What?"

"In the words of Jerry Maguire: '_Help me, help you. Help me, help you. Help _me_, help _you.'"

"How are you going to help _me_?"

"Keep you distracted during the thunderstorm."

"What's the catch?"

"You have to clean my dressing room."

She thought about it. What's worse? Cleaning up Chad's dressing room or helping Tawni with "spring clean" (getting rid of "last seasons" clothes), trying to beat a level in _Call of Duty_ for Nico and Grady, and being Zora's punching bag? Spending time with her _ex_-boyfriend sounded better.

"Fine, I'll help you."

"Thank you. Now, help me to my dressing room."

She groaned as Chad put his arm around her shoulder.

"Thank you, Sonny," he said.

"Yeah, right."

It took them 10 minutes to limp to Chad's dressing room. And it seemed like he was trying to cause her pain.

"Stop leaning on me so hard!" complained Sonny.

"Stop being a jerk and help me!" replied Chad. "And anyway, you just passed my dressing room."

She groaned, turned around, and pushed him in the dressing room.

"Oops," she said sarcastically, closing the door behind her.

He glared. "I'm trying to help you! And this is how you treat me?"

"Yes."

"All I want you to do is clean."

Sonny looked around. The room was a mess. Dirty clothes lay scattered, cups and bottles rest askew.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked.

"Nope!" he said, sitting down on the couch.

Oh. My. Gosh. This was going to be a long day.

**11:02 AM**

"I did it!" cried Sonny.

"Did what?" asked Chad, looking up from his magazine.

"Cleaned up all one-hundred-and-ninety-four bottles and pop cans."

"Even in the gym?"

"Yes."

"Surprising. The maids couldn't do it that fast."

"Well, I'm trying to get out of here fast."

"Well, you'll do it even faster if you'd stop complaining. Now gather the clothes."

They glared at each other.

"Fine," she agreed.

**11: 11 AM**

"Where do I put these?" asked Sonny, holding the laundry bag.

"Give them to my laundry lady, wait until she's done, and come back. Simple as that," Chad said, not bothering to look up.

"But where—"

"Just do it, Sonny. It's not a lot."

"Whatever . . ."

"Oh, Sonny."

"Yes?"

"Do _not_ take them to a laundry mat. Only my laundry lady can do it."

She groaned and walked out, hoping to find his "laundry lady."

**2:28 PM**

The door swung open, hitting the wall with a loud bang.

"You—you—" Sonny pointed at Chad, stuttering.

"You didn't bring my clothes to me," Chad said, unconcerned at what she was mad about.

"Are you serious? No, no way. I'm not driving—"

"It's only a half-an-hour away."

She stormed out.

_This is too much fun_, Chad thought.

**3:03 PM**

"I'm back, Chad. And guess what? Your mommy folded the clothes, as well," said Sonny, livid.

"Oh, that's great." Chad paused, and then added, "Now put them away."

**3:10 PM**

"Did it."

"Great. I'm hungry."

"Oh, dear God . . . ," Sonny muttered.

"I want you . . . to get me . . . lunch," said Chad, smirking.

"What do you want?"

"A . . . a . . ."

"Spit it out!"

"A grilled cheese sandwich! And I want my mommy to make it."

"No! No, no, no! I'm not driving a half-an-hour away just for your 'mommy' to make you something. I've driven out there twice already. I'm not driving again."

"You promised you'd help me."

She groaned and left.

**3:44 PM**

Sonny thrust the grilled cheese sandwich in Chad's arms. "Happy?" she asked.

"Thrilled. Overjoyed. Ecstatic. I just can't explain how happy I am!" he replied sarcastically.

"Anything else I might slave over?"

"Just talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything. I just want someone to talk to."

"Okay . . ." She paused. "Oh, what about the fact that it took me fifteen minutes to figure out who your laundry lady was. Then it took another fifteen to find your mom lived, another thirty to drive there, and then having to wait two hours for it to be done. Oh, we can't forget how your mom said how saddened she was about the girl you last broke up with."

"Yeah, about that . . ."

"At first, I'm like, '_Oh, she must mean me!_' but then she said it was Tawni! _You dated Tawni?_"

Oh, yes. It's kind of been an on-and-off sort of thing."

"For how long?"

"Since last April. You know, not that long."

"So you really to just go from one relationship to another, don't you?"

He hesitated. "Pretty much, I guess."

"I thought we had something—something different from your previous relationships."

"We were special. I mean, I was interested in you for, like, a year. And then I asked you out. And then we dated for awhile."

"Anything else?"

"Uh . . ."

She waited for him to speak. Why wasn't he talking? "What's the matter? Cat caught your tongue?"

"No, it's just that . . ." _I love you_, he wanted to say, but it never could come out. "I really want to thank you for all you've done . . . so far."

"Are you saying there's more?"

"Uh, yeah. Look, the papers are a mess. You need to clean them."

Really? You want me to do even more! What about your maids?"

"They're on strike. Heck, I was considering until Condor said if I don't, I have another two seasons on _Mackenzie Falls_."

"Oh, great. He never said anything about _So Random!_"

"If you clean up, I'll put in a good word."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Great." Sonny left the comfy couch to clean the papers that were everywhere.

**4:28 PM**

Sonny giggled at the Mackenzie Falls scripts. "I—I ca-can't believe you do this stuff. Mackenzie: _'Oh, Chloe, how I miss the sound of your sweet, sweet voice_,'" she mimicked. "Chloe: _'Oh, Mackenzie, I've missed your eyes. Oh, they're the deepest shade of blue. Every time I see them I get lost in their depth_.'"

"Sicky Vicky: '_I got mono from making out with my boyfriend, Chad Dylan Cooper, and now I have to stay away from his lovely lips that I can't stop thinking about_,'" Chad mimicked Sonny's character.

"Your lips aren't that great. And I would never say that!"

"Really? How many lips have you touched?"

"Plenty."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine." With that, Sonny kissed Chad. It wasn't like their first kiss. This one was filled with lust and desire. She wasn't quite sure why she was kissing him, but she liked it. She liked it a lot.

It took Chad a few seconds to realize what was going on. Sonny was kissing him. Sonny was kissing the Chad Dylan Cooper! She was kissing his lovely lips and he was kissing hers. He was going to sigh in content, but no. He was supposed to be the romantic one. He was the one to sweep the girl(s) off their feet. So he kissed back.

Sonny came to her senses when she realized she was sitting on his lap.

"Chad," she started slowly, "I think it's stupid if we keep going around like this. Like we are trying to deny the feelings we still have. If you're like me, I know you still love me. And all I know is that I love you."

"I feel the same way. And I shouldn't have done the recount. It was unfair and stupid."

"I think we should be honest with each other. We should tell each other how we feel. And not lie."

"I agree."

"Then we're together again?"

"We're together again."

She laid her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Then the thumping reminded her of something. "You know, because of all this cleaning, I didn't once notice one clap of thunder," said Sonny, smiling slightly.

"Yeah . . ." Chad trailed off.

She jumped off him. "Wait . . . I didn't notice the thunder because there wasn't any."

"I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations." He flinched. He did not like the look on her face.

"I take that as a yes. What else did you lie about?"

"I never broke my leg."

"Seriously?"

"I wanted your sympathy."

"What else?"

"The maids aren't on strike."

"So you do have maids?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you do this?"

"Because I miss you . . . a lot. You even said so yourself."

"No. I didn't say I missed you. I said I loved you."

"Either way . . . Sonny, I miss you more then anything. I miss you more then . . . then . . . dating Kim Kardashian."

"You dated _Kim Kardashian_?"

"For one night . . . but it was the best. Besides that, I'm still in love with you."

She sighed, trying to come up with the right words.

"Sonny, I know you hate me. And truthfully, I hate myself too. Oh, and I lied about Tawni. God, I can never think of dating her. She's evil. But here's some good news: I'm actually am guarantied another three years here . . . and a ten-percent raise."

"Oh, goody, I'm stuck with you for three years."

"Does that mean you're not leaving me?"

"Yes. I'm not leaving you. Not now or not ever."

They smiled and kissed once more.

**The End**

**How bad was that? Review and let me know. But no flames!  
_Smells Like Teen Spirit_: It was great.  
_Sliver_: It was okay.  
_Aneurysm_: I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!  
(BTW: Those are some of the names of Nirvana songs. Check them out if you haven't. ;))**


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